terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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