I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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