She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize