Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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