I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
