listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Small penises have feelings too.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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