GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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