I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
