Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
