she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I could make wine with my vomit
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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