We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
