i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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