Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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