just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
