wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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