soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
