I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
