Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
