and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
