Swine flu. Run for my life!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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