I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize