I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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