it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize