I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
