not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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