i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can't put those talents on a resume
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
