I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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