youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
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