Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize