At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
