On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
