if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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