She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
