I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
