I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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