he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
