I'm so fucking centered right now
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize