never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
