I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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