ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I would fuck him just for his dog
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
