What did we do last night that was yellow?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
