Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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