idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
