did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
