I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
