the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
