Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
