She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
