i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
