Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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