I heard we made out
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my shit smells like andre
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize