After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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