im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
