We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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