that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize