Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
