The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
