Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
