Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize