i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
