I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
