i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
