He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
