We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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