i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Boobs are out for the taking
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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