The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
