so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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