Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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