Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
