my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
